oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
