When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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