I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
