How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
