put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
