Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
