I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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