Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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