Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
