If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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