its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
