Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
literally had 100 drinks last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
