i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
