sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
