We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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