I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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