PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
