happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
