Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
a search helicopter?!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
