Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
