tell your sister to shave her snatch
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
