I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
