Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
