And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
