literally had 100 drinks last night.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
