i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
