let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
