I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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