dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
