What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
