Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
