the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
