two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
