You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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