You're so nebulous sometimes
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
