I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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