Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
