i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
