im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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