Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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