Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
