I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
