You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
