I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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