i already hear my dad disowning me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
