this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My balls are so social today.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
