Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
