he shaved USA in his pubs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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