I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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