He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
