Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I smell like Dick and happiness
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
