I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
