His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I AM VODKA MAN
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
